i know I've only lived for 23 years thus far, but this brief time spent on this planet has taught me plenty. The one thing I've always struggled with is expressing how i feel. I can't articulate, or put it in a way that will truly make the other understand what i'm thinking or feeling. Maybe it's called pride, but if i dig deeper, i would pinpoint it to fear of rejection or fear of being laughed at. Or maybe just the pride.
As i grew up, people around me grew too. They got into relationships, got out of em, got married, had kids, got jobs, got into drugs, got into the music scene and some of them...died. An old school friend, Rajan passed away a few years back in a car accident. I wasn't his close friend at high school, but we were buddies. Until after high school, when we all added each other in FB and had this crazy notion that we are all still friends. We're so wrapped up in this security blanket that being "friends" with people means they won't go away, that they are invincible and more importantly, that they will always, always be there.
When Rajan passed away, the only thing that came to my mind was, why didn't i ever keep in touch with him. Why didn't I get the chance to say goodbye. The fault is mine though, I DIDN'T "create the chance" to talk to him. I thought people lived forever on FB.
So credo from now on, is to try, try to let people know how i feel. It won't hurt as much saying "I'm sorry", "I truly appreciate you", "I care for you" and all those who haven't called your dad and said "I love you", than hurting by NOT saying a thing. Coz if i ever missed that boat again, I'd be sorry for the rest of my remaining days.
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