Thursday, March 31, 2011

a small reality check

Getting through medical school is no joke. Initially, I didn't take it seriously, just like I never took any course of education seriously throughout my entire life. If i ever did well in any major exams, i credit it to the fact that I hated failing when my peers did better than i did and i didn't ever want to see my parents sad.

Now it's getting more and more obvious that i am going to be a doctor. I AM. Reality is finally setting in and instead of getting more excited, the gravity of being responsible of hundreds of lives is finally hitting me between the eyes. The fact that i could prolong the life of human or vanquish it with a wave of carelessness, ignorance or plain stupidity is terrifying.

I'm going to become a doctor. With white coats, stethoscopes, ability to read machines, graphs, charts, having intelligible handwriting and no social life. I'm going to become a doctor. Late hours, patients coming in, dying, getting better, placing their hopes and fears or teaching me my job.

Though it is time to finally grow up, a part of me still wants to play.

Friday, March 11, 2011

the green cubes

Quiet as a mouse, i peer down from the top of the shelf. They don't come in much as night, but approximately as the sun sets, this one girl, blue bespectacled, slightly overweight, comes in with great trepidation, knocks quickly on the door, peers around in the darkness, watching and listening (for God knows what?). She then, snaps the lights on, whilst walking slowly, one foot in front of another, a kettle for a weapon, fills it up hurriedly, bangs it on the stove and rushes out and fast as she can. Her fear is tangible, i can almost smell it.

From time to time, another girl comes in, thinner, with eyes as wide as Beyonce's hips. As the blue specked girl looks from the outer room, the wide eyed one would do the kettle deed. Sometimes, they come in as a trio, this time with a kid with a device attached to his right hand which he constantly fiddled with, talked into or heard music from. They used the stove to cook (can u imagine that!) food with spices and powders, things i would never nibble at.

I try, as much as i can, to keep away from these people especially the blue specked one. I could tell she didn't like someone, perhaps me. When all of them came in they talk about me in such a strong, hateful way. Why did they hate me so much?

One day, some men came in. They peered around, checking under cupboards and stoves, on shelves and in all nooks and crannies. I was smart and hid well, but one guy caught sight of me. He called the other one and he came, trying to catch a glimpse of me, but i managed to run away through a hole to the other side. I smelt trouble and manipulation...

A week later, I came back. I couldn't stay away for long, these people gave me so much to hope for. Right there, at the corner near the cupboard, a offering of forgiveness was spread out. Four green cubes of some sort, emitting a LOVELY smell sat innocently on a piece of paper.

They love me after all! I felt a kind of relief and happiness. I came here uninvited and unloved, but they probably got used to my presence. I dug in and nibbled on a cube. Delicious!

Suddenly, a wave of sleepiness hit me. Boy, i sure needed a nap. But a sort of pain in the gut evolved and all of a sudden, the pain and sleepiness became one, exploding sensation and thats when i knew. I knew. I squeaked, a hopeless cry of desperation and sadness, of friendship believed and betrayed. They came, all of them. As i dropped the green cube and lay on the floor of the kitchen, my life force ebbing out, they smiled, malicious and finally free.